Homebirth on NPR

Just a small plug - if you missed the Diane Rehm show today, you can listen online -

http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-07-25/ina-may-gaskin-birth-matters-midwifes-manifesta?page=1

to Ina May Gaskin, THE midwifery expert.

The Pleasure of Childbirth

If only I could bottle it up.

When women talk about birth and labor, the conversation usually centers around one thing: pain. Ok, two things: length of labor. I don't know why this is, but the stories always seem so horrible, terrifying, and long. Often, it seems a competition to say who had the worst labor.

Is labor really that bad? Are the horror stories real? Probably. So how about some not-so-scary labor stories?

Yes, childbirth is painful. It's also pleasurable. Generally, if I tell people that, they say that's because I had an "easy" labor. Or, I was just lucky not to have pain. No, I felt pain. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say it was in the 8 range. But I also felt joy, and with that joy, pleasure.

Part of it is control. Or rather, letting go of control. It's true one can really work with the pain, make the pain work for you. That's not to say I was the picture of calm during labor, though I was for most of it til the last hour. I had my fair share of "Holy Cow this hurts!" comments. Yet that powerful, intense, overwhelming contraction is telling you something. It's telling your body the next step for birthing that baby. Giving in to it is to ride the wave of that contraction like a body surfer in the Pacific Ocean. You come to the crest, then ride it out. You can't stop the pain, so you let it work for you rather than against you.

And then, when finally, FINALLY, that baby makes its way out, the relief and pure joy. That's what I really want to bottle up. There's a feeling, immediately after the baby is born, and for me at least, lasting the few hours after until I finally gave in to sleep, that is so overwhelming: peace, joy, love, pleasure, ecstasy. Ok, and some exhaustion too, but the other elements are far more powerful.

Sure, with Angelina I was puking for hours and couldn't move. With Lenaïc it wasn't much different: contractions on top of one another, begging Frédéric or my midwife to aim that shower head at my lower back NOW. But that's not what I remember most. I remember the anticipation, the excitement that each contraction brought. And yes,even the pleasure of pushing. Sure, I do remember the PAIN of pushing, but when your body has the urge to push the baby out, it's an incredibly positive feeling.

Even with Angelina, whose final hours of labor were traumatic thanks to a hospital transfer, and she was immediately intubated and whisked off to NICU, so we didn't get that physical bond, those feelings were there. And now, with Lenaïc, whose birth at home was intense and beautiful, I can definitely say this feeling is overwhelming, all-powerful. And the most beautiful thing on earth.

I feel truly so so fortunate to have been able to experience it.

And so now my one piece of advice to all my pregnant friends is this: enjoy it. Enjoy the anticipation of birth in the final weeks of pregnancy, and most importantly, enjoy labor. If I could bottle up those few hours after the baby is born, I would. Instead, I just remember them every time I'm up at 3am nursing....


(I do actually have one photo that shows this - Frederic smiling, Angelina in awe, me in a sense of utter calm and baby nursing. Alas, it also shows a bit too much of me, so I'll leave this one, taken the following morning)

Ah, the Magic of Birth

Birth is such an amazing, powerful, intense, wonderful experience. Yes, it's painful, but it's a positive pain. I was scared before having Angelina, but not about the birth, more about what I was going to do being the sole person responsible for a newborn! (ok, not the ONLY one responsible, Fredo was here too). But labor didn't scare me. In fact, I was excited for it. And second time around, I was even more excited for it.

I'd been thinking about how to put me thoughts into words, when it seems my friend did it for me. Well, not for *me,* exactly...My friend Monica is a doula in training. As she's in Switzerland and I'm, well, not, she couldn't attend my birth. But she did recently attend her first birth there, and wrote about it here. She wrote very eloquently what I'd been feeling about birth, so I just refer you to her page :)

I finally contributed some genes

After the little clone of her Papa, it's nice to see I can contribute some genes too!







Me at my baptism, almost 1 month old














Me at birth

Definitely my child! So far at least.....

How he came into the world

(copied from Facebook note)

It was Tuesday Dec 8 at 3PM that I posted the following on Facebook:
"Dear Baby: Please stay inside me until 1)we finish the sheetrock and primer, 2)your Papa finishes the massive amounts of work he has scheduled this week, 3) your mommy finishes the massive amounts of work scheduled this week, and 4) we buy a new washing machine and have it delivered and installed. Then you are free to come any time. Thank you."

Apparently I either knew something might be up, or this kid doesn't listen to me... About 2 hours later, signs of pre-labor appeared. Such signs could mean labor was hours, days or weeks away. I stayed home the next day, not feeling up to driving. By 10am, Dec 9, as the workmen of #1 were sheetrocking, labor signs became a bit more obvious. By 11AM, there was no doubt....I was trying to be discreet so as not to alarm the workers. As it turned out, I was about to tell them they needed to leave for the day when they said they were finishing up. Not done, just done for the day because everything was wet. So we didn't even make it through #1. They'll come back next week :).

Over the next 11 hours, we brought him into the world. :) And when I say "we", I mean Frédéric, Angelina, and I. They were both very helpful. And my midwives too. He was born in the water at 10:10pm, and I wouldn't change a thing! For anyone interested in more details of the birth, let me know and I'll email all the gory details.

As for Angelina, she was great! She had her moments, but for the most part, she loved being involved and wasn't at all scared. And being in the birthing tub with us was a blast for her. She helped massage my back and kept holding me when it hurt. She did leave the room towards the end saying "Mommy's upset" because apparently I was making some significant noises ("Holy cow that hurts!");). She came back in within seconds of the baby coming out and immediately went to him to touch him, covered in mucus and all....The look on her face of fascination and wonder as we welcomed him into the world was priceless.





So, I jinxed myself by asking the baby to wait. I also planned a Girls Night In at our house for Wednesday night. The other way to assure labor without inducing - give up your birth tub....I didn't have the tub yet because another client, already 8 days overdue, still had it. The midwife picked it up on her way to my house saying to her "I have a sure way to get you into labor, I'm taking the tub for another mom." Sure enough, about the time Lenaïc was born, the midwife received a call from the other mom saying her labor had started. Who needs pitocin, when Murphy's Law is at work?!

Happy Birthday Mundie Pie!

From this......


To SuperNina!


You can already see in her eyes in that first picture that despite the trauma of birth, how strong-willed our Angelina was destined to be.

I still get emotional on July 3. I wonder if that will always be the case? Three years ago our excitement of labor starting turned to fear once she was born and later to joy when we brought her home.

Three years later, this child, whom most of the medical professionals didn't think would survive, is more full of life than just about any child imaginable. She's the kind of person who lights up a room just with her presence (sometimes that's not a good thing.....like when you'd like her to be just a little bit quiet). But we remind ourselves that it was this vivaciousness, this fighting spirit, this strong will that got her through those first weeks. I will forever be grateful to that spirit (and to the many medical professionals who helped her through those rough first weeks).

Happy 3rd Birthday SuperNina!

The Big Sister

Despite how she looks in this picture, I think Angelina is happy.....

After a couple of years of trying and a few losses, we managed to successfully conceive another baby. It's early days still, and I'm being monitored very closely. However, we had an ultrasound last week which showed a heartbeat so we're feeling very confident (and me - a little sick.....).

Allegrini Baby #2 is set to enter the world on Dec. 25. Given Angelina's due date was July 4, the Allegrini babies apparently have a fondness for holiday births.


(The day I was going to test, she insisted on wearing this shirt. I think she knew. I can't seem to get a new picture with her in the shirt though....)

Birthing Options

No, #2 is not on the way, but here's a pretty balanced article about birthing options
Homebirth

In my next life I may become a doula and lactation consultant. Fredo once asked if I'd thought about being a midwife, but that's too much work! I prefer birth coach.

Happy Birthday!

Two years ago today, it was the best day of our lives, then the worst day, and then eventually the best day again.

I don't know if it's the same for other NICU parents, or for all parents. We both find ourselves overwhelmed with emotion on our child's birthday. Is it because we remember that day? So hopeful, then so terrifying? Or does everyone feel this?

It's amazing to us that she went from this:

To this:















It's difficult to think of that day. It started off with so much anticipation and promise, only to end with terrifying fear that we may lose her. But really, something inside us told us we wouldn't lose her. That she was tough, and would pull through. Thanks to a wonderful midwife, Holly, whose years of experience in delivering babies and with laboring moms told her Angelina was going to need some extra help, even though once we got to hospital, all signs were stable and normal. Thanks to a wonderful OB on call, Dr Bryant, who was patient and kind and proactive and not afraid to do what she thought best. Thanks to a wonderful neonatalogist, Dr. Hilliard, who told us "Don't even think of an ECMO when others mentioned it, and told me to just keep pumping milk, that it was the best thing for her once we could take her off the IV. Thanks to the wonderful lactation consultant who held my hand (and boob) to get the milk going. Thanks to a wonderful team at Christus who kept her alive in those first dark hours. Thanks to all our family and friends around the world, both real life and online, and the many many people whom we've never met but who prayed, wished us well, shared kind thoughts and supported us through those terrifying days.



Thanks to all, she is here today.

Celebrating her 2nd birthday.

Full of life and smiles and cheers and cries and screams and laughter. Angelina has all of that.

She already lives life fully.

Completely.

Sometimes much to our dismay.

I wouldn't change anything for the world.

But I'd also never go back to July 3, 2006. Or rather, July 4th at about 2am. No. I don't want to relive that. Instead, we'll live each day, as Angelina teaches us to.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea.

"What's your parenting style?"

Um, it's called trial and error?

Seriously, what a weird question. Not that anyone actually asks this in real life. The internet has been a wonderful resource, especially as a new mom, but you also get silly questions like "What is your parenting style?" What the heck does that mean?

I've been described as "All Earth Momma" or "La Leche Woman" by friends - childless friends. Yes we:
1. Breastfeed (still,at 19 months)
2. Co-sleep
3. Made our own baby food (no jarred stuff, Angelina was already a food snob and wouldn't eat it anyway)
4. Homebirth (or at least try to)
5. Didn't do Scream-It-Out (ahem, "self-soothe") - well, at least in the early days.... Ok so I did in desperation and it didn't work.
6. Cloth diaper (at least at home, we use 7th Generation disposables for daycare and travel)
7. Carry her in a sling (don't you dare call it 'babywearing' - she's not an accessory like earings! I figured the Karen women did it, I could too.)

Some would take all that and give us a label. No thank you. I don't do labels, and I'm pretty sure Angelina has made it clear she does not fit neatly into a box. We've done all that because it's what worked (or at least tried to) and felt right, not because it was part of some parenting checklist.

Does it make me a better mom? No. Just a mom trying to figure out what's best for my daughter (and the environment).

Our Beautiful New Addition

Day 5, 8 July 06

Day 4

Day 3

Day 2

14 hours old, 12pm, 4 July 2006

Angelina Gisèle Allegrini was born on Monday, July 3, 2006 at 21:56. She
weighed 7lbs12oz (3.525kg) and is 21.25in (54cm)long. She's got loads of
dark black hair, her dad's long legs and arms, and my clown nose. She is
cute as ever.

Her first few days on earth have been a bit rough however. During labor,
she aspirated meconium which filled her lungs. Though she never stopped
breathing and her heart was beating well, the meconium in her lungs
posed a big problem for her and she was whisked off to NICU immediately.
The first 12 hours were harrowing (and we now know her condition worsened and her docs didn't think she'd make it), but from that point on she started to
improve rapidly, amazing all her caregivers but not her parents who know
how tough she is! She was started off on an oscillating ventilator which
basically pushes oxygen through at really high frequency, while they
heavily sedate her so she doesn't try to work too much on her own. While
her lungs are fully formed and she should be able to breathe fine,
because they're so filled they use the machine to breathe for her while
she works at clearing out all the gunk. She was able to come off that
yesterday (July 6), was moved to a normal ventilator and by last night at 72
hours old, though still on the ventilator, was down to 50% oxygen, which
means she was doing half her breathing on her own! Each chest x-ray
looks clearer and clearer, and literally every hour brings improvement.
She's less sedated now and very alert - too much so at times because she
starts squirming and pulling at her wires. She clearly wants out of
there! Her docs thought they may be able to remove the vent entirely
today. She still has a long ways to go, she's got to finish clearing
those lungs, hold off infection and stay healthy. All her other organs
are working very well. She's amazingly strong and fighting like crazy!

Her doctors said to plan her being there for 3 weeks. An eternity when
we want to have her home, but given that in the first day they wouldn't
even hope that much, we'll take 3 weeks and hope for sooner.

We hadn't planned for any hospital stay as we had
planned a homebirth and did labor mostly at home, but once her heart
showed irregular beats we immediately transfered to the hospital which
is only 5 minutes away and has the best NICU around. Laboring at home
really was excellent, I had fabulous midwives and Frederic gave
incredible support, working nearly as hard as I did (and much more since
then!). Fortunately Angelina had her way of telling us
that she was going to need some extra help once she was born and we
listened! We also got very lucky with the OB on call at the hospital,
as she is renown as one of the best in the area. The entire team there
was incredible as well.