The Lullabye of the New Age Hippie Mother

So by now, everyone has read Amy Chua's excerpt from her book, or at least a commentary on, or many comments about The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. This blog isn't really a "MommyBlog" in the vein of most. This is just a family site to share our kids, but sometimes, I find I need to say more. I don't really want to give this book yet more coverage, but I am not one to keep quiet - and it's not like anyone reading is going to go out and buy the book...

Though, as I understand, the book is about the whole arc of discovering parenting and not really as bad as the Wall St Journal excerpt made it seem, the premise, that a "successful" child = one who is top in their class and tops at music (preferably the violin or piano - I guess guitar or drums are not acceptable) is what disturbs me even more than the parenting style. See, many of us are outraged at what appears to border on child abuse. But then, many mainstream articles have suggested maybe we're outraged because she was right. Maybe, we western (US) parents really are just too lazy to put the effort into raising our kids, are too scared to push them to get straight As, too hesitant to deny frivolous things like playdates, sports, crafts and fun.

But again, why is the measure of success getting all As? Leaving aside the issue that only one person can be top of the class, so if we all expected our kids to be perfect, many of us would be disappointed and have kids who view themselves as failures.

Yes, I want my kids to do well in school. I want them to excel at the things they try. But more importantly, I want them to love learning. I want them to work hard at it because the challenge is fun and exciting. I want my kid to continue to come home saying "Mommy! I know things!" because she learned new stuff in school that day as opposed to "Mommy! I need to get 100%!" or pulling out her hair in stress saying "I need to do better than Jane/Tommy/every-other-kid."

I want them to be just as happy picking up the drums as a violin (ok, maybe not the drums...is there a quiet musical instrument?) or kicking a soccer ball or twirling like a ballerina or whatever excites them. I want them to be willing to try any activity they think is fun (legal and appropriate of course). Gymnastics? Ballet? Swimming? Diving? Soccer? T-ball? Football? Creative writing? Crafts? Painting? Building? Yes!

Maybe they'll choose one and become the best. Or maybe they'll be second best. Or maybe they'll just do it and have fun and move on to the next thing.

Some might think this will make them non-commital in life, never settling on one thing. But I don't think so. That's pretty much what I did, and at various points in my life, excelled at whatever activity I put my heart into. No, I never became an Olympic diver nor am I likely to win a Nobel Prize, but to date, I've had a pretty dang good life and am pretty happy with all I've done.

Am I willing to push my kids? Yes. I hope, however, that we have the intuition to recognize when they need to be pushed, and when they just need support. If any of my teachers/coaches/parents had called me "garbage" (as Chua does) or threatened to destroy all my toys, or forced me to practice with no water/bathroom breaks, I'd have learned to hate the activity (and to be honest, Angelina can go about 10x longer without a bathroom break than I can).

Negative reinforcement doesn't work. For me. And I don't think it'll work for my kids. Indeed, I have found it takes far more energy to pay attention to them, to learn to understand what it is will motivate them. Much easier to scream and yell and demand, but far more negative emotional energy than any of us wants to live with and it doesn't really work.

I'm pretty sure my kids will be successful in life, because the foundation is one of happiness and love of learning. And most importantly, a love of life and people.

You know you're a parent when....

You accept "gifts" without question...

Laying in bed, nursing Lenaïc to sleep (who, by the way, has already puked on me twice, thanks to a tummy bug acquired from Wednesday's playgroup)....Angelina crawls into bed next to us.

"Goodnight Mommy."
"Goodnight Sweetpea."
"Here you go Mommy" as she puts something into my fingers - I can't tell what, I feel nothing. I think it's some imaginary magic wand or something (she has quite the imagination....and I'm reading Harry Potter)
I continue to swirl my fingers around to see if there's something actually there.

Angelina whispers, sweetly, "Mommy. It's my booger."

Holiday Recap

Finally getting around to uploading some pictures. If you haven't received our holiday card, it's because I never got around to sending them, and here's why... Frédéric had his annual meeting in San Francisco, and another meeting in Switzerland, so we decided to make it a round the world (or at least two continents and one ocean) trip and join him.


We all flew to So Cal together, then he flew up to SF while Angelina, Lenaïc and I stayed with the family for a week. Lots of outings with cousins: beach, Christmas play, Hannah's horse show, walk to see the over-the-top Christmas lights on Thoroughbred in Rancho Cucamonga, picking out and decorating a Christmas tree for Uncle Chris and family, decorating Aunt Loretta and Uncle Bruce's tree, ice skating, playing with cousins....ending on Sat with a family birthday party for Lenaïc, which special guests of honor: Chip and Trisha (Chip is my old diving coach whom I've known since I was 6!). (For pictures see HERE)

Lenaïc was a little grouchy at his birthday party, and a few hours later I learned why. When we woke him at 3:30am to leave for the airport for our 6am flight, he had a temp of 102.7F! Fortunately, a little tylenol brought it down and no more fever after that - Phew!

Then the LOOOOOONG flight to Geneva. Stop in Denver, Stop in Washington Dulles, then overnight flight to Geneva. Apparently, Lenaïc didn't get the memo that overnight flights = sleep. he was feeling fine so not fussy, but so not interested in sleeping. We'd beeen lucky as Angelina has always been a really good (read sleeps a lot) flier. Lenaïc, on the other hand, must have thought this was the party flight. Lucky for us, the flight attendants loved him and were happy to have him join them in the galley and played games with him for a few hours while the rest of the plane slept. Unfortunately, not me. Still, I can't complain too much as he hardly cried.


After a visit with Granpapa, we headed off to Bern so Frederic could work while I played with the kids. We took a lot of walks, and Angelina had an art class at the Paul Klee Museum which was very cool! Then back to L'Abergement for sledding, ice skating, visiting cousins and friends, Christmas parties, New Year Parties, and more! For more pictures, see HERE

Ice Skating!

It was a holiday of winter sports: Sledding and Ice Skating (no skiing just yet). Trying to figure out what to do on a cold and rainy Friday afternoon in California, cousin Kyle came up with the great idea to go ice skating! Angelina had never been but I'd been wanting to take her.
Along came Hannah, Camille, and Martina (Kyle decided it was no fun with all girls). Nanny came along to watch Lenaïc while I skated and showed off my Dorothy Hamill-era spirals (and became dizzy...there's a reason I didn't last long in figure skating).


Angelina took to it right away and couldn't wait to go again once we got to Switzerland. There's a wonderful lake, Lac de Joux> where we went ice skating 3 years ago and Angelina learned to walk. But it was just too cold, so we decided to stay a little closer to home and go to an indoor rink. We went twice, first with the Gloor Family and a few days later with the Allegrini cousins. By the 3rd time, she was doing really well! Still needing help with the cone, but a lot more confident.




Lenaïc was satisfied to ice skate while in Papa's arms.

Embrace the Mess!

Thise article in the New York Times struck a cord with me.
And no, it's not just an excuse to be messy. Kids really do need space and time to be free. To make up games, to create their own stories, to turn a box, some tupperware, cans, you name it into whatever their imagination decides.


Last night Angelina made a "slide" out of the couch cushions. Realizing it wasn't sturdy enough for her to slide down, she decided it was perfect for her many stuffed animals. So along they came, and "hid" under the remaining cushions.

And of course there's Lenaïc who likes to play the "let's discover what's in the back of the cupboard/bottom of the drawer" game which requires emptying out their contents completely.


While I'd like to have a little less mess, at least there's the Clean Up Song. Clean Up, Clean up, everybody clean up. Let's work together, everyone do their share."

"There's water under the snow!"

Snow Snow everywhere! We arrived in Switzerland following a couple of weeks of snowstorms. Fortunately, the storms were mostly over by the time we landed, so no flight delays.


What we found instead was a winter wonderland. Even more so when it snowed again on Christmas Eve, and then the day after Christmas was spectacularly sunny and gorgeous, so we had this view while sledding on the hill outside Granpapa's house.


Angelina LOVED sledding. Every day. EVERY day. Even when it hadn't snowed again and the snow was so thin we were sledding on grass, she asked for more sledding. Who can blame her? How fun is it to ride fast down a hill?


She even loved it when she crashed, burying her face in the snow she exclaimed "There's water under the snow!"



As for Lenaïc, I think I can safely say he had fun crawling in the snow. We weren't brace enough to go downhill on the sled with him, so he had to content himself with playing in it.


One thing is for certain, these Allegrini kids live life FULLY.

"All My Cousins"

Not technically cousins, but Angelina believes that all kids in Switzerland are her cousins. My kid is definitely not exclusive. These are some of Frederic's dearest friends, 2 of whom are his godchildren. Angelina is convinced they are her cousins and there's no explaining otherwise. So cousins they are!

Holidays with Family

Quotable Quotes 2010

Christmas Eve "Santa has a ranch...in the ocean."

Christmas Eve Morning "It's snowing!!! That means we can open presents now!"

on the flight to Switzerland (and again in the car on the way to her cousins' house): "Papa, don't tell Mael and Gilles I pick my nose."

On a very sunny 88F December day in California, after putting up the Christmas tree: "When is it going to snow? If it's Christmas it has to snow!"

On one of our flights: "I'm not very good at sleeping but my eyes are good at closing."

On Lenaïc's birthday:
Me: "We're going to have a little party on Lenaïc's actual birthday, just you, L, Papa, and Mommy."
Angelina: "No! I want a BIG party!"
Me: "We already had the big party."
Angelina: "We need ANOTHER big party! I only like BIG parties. Not little parties!"
Yup, she may look identical to an Allegrini, but she definitely inherited the Rohr ...and Beltran genes.

Dec 2
Angelina "Mommy, I want a baby sister."
Me "Well, what if you get a baby brother instead?"
A: "no, I want a sister, like Dora. "
me: "I'm not sure I can promise a baby sister."
A (brimming with excitement): "I know! Papa can help you!"

Nov 30 "Mommy, I don't love any boys. I just love Wiley and Angus."

Nov 24 Mommy! It's raining leaves!"

Nov 20 Angelina fell and busted her lip. Papa offered chocolate to make it all better. 30 minutes later, in a very sad voice "Mommy, my lip still hurts. Can I have more chocolate?" I told her if it continues to hurt, carrots will make it better. Funny, it's all fine now.

Nov 14 Angelina diligently reading the safety instructions (her 4th plane is as many days). Attendant shows her the O2 mask and thinking Angelina is worried says "Don't worry, in my 26 yrs we haven't had to use this." Angelina responds "Can we land on the water? I want to use the life jacket and slide!"

Nov 10 You can take the girl out of Southtown, but....
In California, I ask "Angelina, would you like to go to the playground?"
Angelina responds with excitement "Oh! We're going to Friendly Spot?!"

Upon seeing that I'd framed her artwork (a series of sitck figures with funny heads), Angelina announced "Can you write the title on it: 'The Many Faces of Angelina'?"

Nov 2 "Mommy, I'm still a little bit sick."
"What's wrong?"
"I had too much candy the other day." she says with her mouth full of chocolate...

"Mommy, there's no milk left, only shakes."

Oct 16 "Don't call me Angelina. You have to call me Spicy Sparkle."

And the next day:
Angelina: "Just call me Spicy."
Me: "Not Spicy Sparkle?"
Angelina: "No. I'm just Spicy."

Angelina: "Mommy, does your bed only fit 3 people?"
Me: "Yes, honey."
Angelina: "You need a bigger bed for all kids to fit."

on Chalk it Up day in San Antonio Angelina: "What time is it? It's Chalking the Street time!"

Heard on the way to school today:
(1)"Mommy, what animals eat their poop?"
(2) Passing Ft Sam Army barracks*: "Mommy, is that where princesses get married?"
(3) "Mermaids don't live in castles."

"Papa will fix it, he can fix anything!"

"Mommy, I need a big brother. "
"Wylie's not really my brother. He's Felice's brother. I have a little brother but I need a BIG brother."

"Mommy, I'm going to teach you French so you can talk to Papa."
"Thanks Angelina, you speak French well. What are some words to know?"
"Chocolat!"


Angelina: "Mommy, I want to go Waterboarding!"
Me: "Waterboarding? What's that?" (not something most kids ask for...)
Angelina: "You know! Skateboarding on the water!" (aka surfing)

My California Girl, in distress: "Mommy! The sun is gone! Where is the sun? Suuuuun! Come back Sun! Mommy needs you to help dry the laundry!" (she's also energy conscious as well as sun-worshipping) then "I know! Let's go on an airplane to get closer to the sun! Suuuuun! You're not being very nice, we need you to come back!"

On her birthday, July 3, 2010: "Mommy, my name is not Angelina, you have to call me 'Princess.'"

Angelina: "Those DUDES are being bad! The dudes need to go in time out!"
(following me complaining "Come on Dude!" about someone blocking the intersection)

Happy Birthday Little Monster!

One year ago today (not until about 10pm), this little creature entered our lives and changed it forever. For the better.

Happy Birthday Lenaïc! Thanks for choosing us to be your family!


And some One Year stats, as of Dec 10: 29in tall, 22lbs 12 oz. Short and fat!

How does a year go by so fast?

And when did my tiny little baby become a monster toddler?

One year old. ONE. How did that happen so fast? It was just yesterday I was sitting here 38 weeks pregnant, trying to finish things up and hoping the little one held off at least until the due date of Dec 25. He decided this place was just too much fun he needed to join the fray early, on Dec 9. And now he's ONE.

If I was a more organized mom I'd have some cool slide show of his first year, but since we're still editing years 1-4 of Angelina's video in addition to Lenaïc's first year, that's going to have to wait.

It's been an incredible year for all of us. Angelina has learned to love (and hate) being a big sister (but mostly love). We've learned to handle 2 kids -ok, so we haven't really figured that out, but we're trying. Lenaïc went from struggling to gain weight in his first few weeks of life to bursting off the charts (he's in 18 month clothes now and some of those are already too small). He zooms all over the house on his hands and feet (he crawls too, but he has this funky yoga position he likes on his feet instead of knees, and "walks" all over like that, even better if he has two small cups in his hands). He pulls up. He likes pushing things as he "walks." He hasn't figured out words yet but has his own way of talking. He loves Chakapu (our cat) and big sister Angelina, he loves parties and friends. He loves Mommy and Papa - the look on his face when Papa walks into the room is enough to melt the hardest heart. (He is happy to see mommy, too, but I'm convinced he just sees me as a meal source)

He likes to "help" unload the dishwasher, though we've taught him to "help" by closing the door instead. He likes to unload every cabinet in the house, but I can't fix that yet. He likes balls and cups and plastic containers. He LOVES lids. Metal lids, who needs cymbals when you can use Mommy's pots?


He is full of laughter and love. Even when he's cranky, all we have to do is sing a silly song or clap our hands and he starts to laugh.


The old poem clearly didn't have it right for Lenaïc. He's a Wednesday Child. Woe is the farthest thing from his existence.


Happy Birthday my Brightness of the Sun. You and your sister make this world a better place for all of us.

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.[1]

Let the Fiestas Begin!

Me: "We're going to have a little party on Lenaïc's actual birthday, just you, L, Papa, and Mommy."
Angelina: "No! I want a BIG party!"
Me: "We already had the big party."
Angelina: "We need ANOTHER big party! I only like BIG parties. Not little parties!"
Yup, she may look identical to an Allegrini, but she definitely inherited the Rohr and Beltran genes.


Festivities have begun with a birthday party this past Saturday for all our San Antonio friends.


Next up, a California celebration!

My awesome Husband

Latest house project, or why I've been a single parent for awhile.....Frédéric has been working every weekend for the past few months on my birthday present. To see it,go HERE

A Whole New World to Explore

A quick 4 day trip to Nanny's house and how many cupboards can a little boy empty?





There was also the drawer with the DVDs/videos, but I missed that picture.

Of course, as we know this is usual behaviour at home:


More CA pics to come.

Halloween Fun

I've always been sort of so-so on Halloween. It's fun once you get into it, and I've certainly hosted my share of Halloween parties, but my lack of a creative gene has meant feeling less than enthused about costumes.

This year, Angelina wanted to be Tinkerbell. In my "now-I'm a Stay At Home Mom I must be a domestic goddess" mode, I decided to make her costume. I like to sew, I am tolerable at it, but just barely. Weeks of work and more than double the cost of buying a cheap Target Tinkerbell costume, and I didn't take pictures! (I am sure someone did, so hopefully I can post soon)

All that focus on Tinkerbell I neglected Lenaïc's costume. Fortunately Babies-R-Us had all of ONE costume left, on clearance, in his size (sort of...it was a bit small but worked long enough for a picture).


This turned into weeks of Halloween activities. First, the KWAKs (King William Area Kids) Pumpkin Carving and Dia De los Muertos party last week. Anyone who still thinks there aren't any kids living downtown needs to show up to one of these events: kids galore! Again my lack of artistic skills show, so I turned over pumpkin carving to our neighbor Rick, who used Angelina's drawing on the pumpkin to cut. Turning out pretty impressive! Alas, that pumpkin didn't survive our 80F+ week so Frédéric and Angelina carved another one on Halloween Day.


And then came the costume parties. On Saturday, a boy from Angelina's class was hosting a party (or rather, his parents were). btw - we love this new school and the families there! Angelina has been talking about this boy A LOT, so it was nice to meet his family, as well as many other kids and their parents. Dragging her home was not easy. Angelina never wants to leave a party.

And then came Halloween Night. In years past, our neighborhood had been inner-city ghetto. Not a nice place to be, esp. for kids. Which follows that few kids did trick or treating. Our first few years here, we rarely had any kids come by and so we hadn't bothered to take Angelina out here either. Last year we went to King William, the next 'hood over, which was fun, but overwhelming: Truckloads of kids, many teens looking pretty scary, streets with far too much traffic. So this year, a neighbor who happens to be the mother of two of Angelina's playmates suggested we bring Halloween back to Lavaca. And so we did.

Coordinating with a handful of other families with small kids who preferred to trick or treat in Lavaca, we assured a critical mass of kids and a critical number of houses to give out candy.
We started with a pre-party at our house - a chance for the kids to check out each other's costumes,



for the littlest ones to have some Halloween fun, and to fill them up on healthy dinner and snacks (carrots, apples) before heading out into the 'hood for candy. Turned out great! In addition to our pre-assigned houses, we came across many others handing out treats who were surprised to see so many kids, and happy for it. Also happened upon a number of other kids out, so we didn't single-handedly bring Halloween back to Lavaca, but we put in a pretty strong effort!

The Rohr-Allegini Cloning Experiment

We are scientists afterall, so perhaps it's not shocking we'd conduct our own little experiment with cloning and genetics.

At least, that is how it woul appear...




(Lenaïc has straight hair like my brother Albert instead of my curls, otherwise, he's a clone)

Genetics Experiment

The Birthday Model

Ok, so it has been awhile since Angelina had a birthday, but we finally got her to pose a bit in the presents from GranPapa Marcel and Granmaman Josiane in Switzerland.




And today she wanted to make a cake with flowers, just because.





She definitely has a style all her own!